And then..... I hit 16 and became a stubborn, rebellious teenager and then; I ran for years. Ran from God, ran from the church and everything it entailed. And I knew it was running because in a still, small whisper God would still speak to me.
For some people on this earth, there comes a time when the question which you never want to have to fathom becomes a reality. When doctors tell you there is no medical hope and it’s time to decide the fate of one of the people that you love most in this world. When death stares you right in the face and you can't run or hide as much as you want to believe you can.
There were organ donors constantly asking my parents to sign over authority of my brother’s body and after much research into understanding the procedure; my mom came to me, gave me all the medical facts then asked me what I thought.
My answer was this…
“If Jamie breaths on his own without the ventilator, then it’s God’s will and he saved his life on earth here, if he doesn’t; then it’s time for him to go home. That said; I WILL be by my brother’s side no matter what happens in that moment. Not a surgeon after his organs. Because, Jamie would be right by mine. He wouldn't leave any of us if it was us in that bed. God gives us our first heart beat, and he will take our last.”
The decision was made unanimously as a family.
We stood around the bed in my little brother’s final moments. We watched as the 27 years of his earthly existence came to a conclusion and he passed into the next dimension of what is prophesied for those of us that believe.
I stood on Jamie’s right side, right by his head, with the monitors behind my head. I didn’t want to read those. My parents were on his left side. My dad held my mom the entire time. My husband also held me from behind the same way. Matthew and Andrew, Jamie’s brother’s stood next to my parents and held, touched and spoke to their brother the entire time. Jamie’s love, and future wife, Bettie-Ann stood at his feet. Jamie’s baby sister and soon to be brother in law stood next to her.
He was in an encumbrance of the people that loved him most in this world.
The doctors told us it would be seconds before he went. They were wrong.
The reality is, it’s as horrific as it sounds.
But it was only that way briefly. After the scared cries of pain were out, God poured his peace out in the room. We all spoke to Jamie, told him how much we loved him what he meant to us and how much we would miss him.
Then daddy, looked at the doctors...
“My son was an incredible athlete. I mean God given ability to throw a football. He wanted to be a sports broadcaster, he really understood the game.”
“And he is an incredible musician. He could write and sing and taught himself how to do it”.
Even the nurse in the room had tears running down her face because she saw what the world was losing in this precious gift of a young man. A man she had never even met.
Again, I couldn’t see the monitors, but I could see the pulse in Jamie’s neck.
It was very spastic, erratic almost like he was signaling a fight. In the moment when you’re watching what you might consider “your worst nightmare”....Something kicks in. Call it what you want, “survival instincts” “shock”
…I call it Sovereignty.
All I knew was an overwhelming calm and an amazing grace overcame me. So I took my brother’s right hand in mine. It was so warm, and I knew that’d be the last time I felt it that way. So I wrapped each of his fingers in between mine. Then I put my left hand on his heart.
I looked at his beautiful face and told him…”Jamie, you are with the people that love you most in this world. We are going to be okay honey. We will see you again someday soon. It’s okay to go. Go be with Jesus now.”
His heart beat twice more and we watched his spirit leave his body.
“If hope is born of suffering, if this is only the beginning. Can we not wait for one hour waiting for our Savior?” – Natalie Grant
Jesus didn’t promise that if we followed him and loved him that we’d be spared of suffering or pain. The PROMISE was that he wouldn’t leave us when those times happened. People ask the question "Why would this happen to such a good family?" "Why do bad things happen to good people?"
Christians, are not perfect nor are they spared from the curse that this earth is under. They are simply forgiven. And in those moments of a horrific storm, Jesus picks them up, just as a daddy would pick up his child...carries them and holds them.
He hasn’t left me.
He hasn’t left my family and more than that. He’s brought us closer to him. I have more of an understanding and wisdom and knowledge of his true GRACE and mercy like I never have before.
Hard price to pay here on earth.
However; who am I to argue the divine plan with the one who created all of it?